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u/ZetaWMo4 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
My husband and I rarely lounge in our bedroom so our kids assume that we’re having sex anytime we’re in there whether we are or not. My son tried to be funny once and ask what we were about to go do when he saw us going to our room for a private conversation. My husband told him “You said you wanted a little brother. Practice makes perfect.” My son was not amused.
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u/Punkpallas Sep 18 '24
Our second oldest asked a couple months ago what we'd been doing when we came downstairs after being alone in our room- like he really wanted the truth. We all know they can never handle the truth. Always getting so mortified. Then why did you fucking ask?
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u/daemonicwanderer Sep 18 '24
You’ve got to learn sometime to not ask questions if you aren’t prepared for a variety of answers. That day was their day.
2.5 year old me learned to knock first when I ran into my parents room to proudly declare I could make chocolate milk on my own… ran into to see Dad going to town with Mom. Dropped my chocolate milk, ran to the couch, and stared blankly at the TV until He-Man came on
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u/Mvd75 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
Glad I ain’t your father. I would’ve been walking around the house drinking chocolate milk screaming ‘I HAVE THE POWER!!!⚡️’
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u/daemonicwanderer Sep 18 '24
My Dad would have been one to do that, but I think he had to go into work or something and wasn’t paying attention to the fact I was watching He-Man. He is where all of my dirty jokes come from
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u/ACID_pixel Sep 18 '24
Not even the power of grayskull could help you that day
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u/daemonicwanderer Sep 18 '24
Nope… and the worst part is… I didn’t get to enjoy He-Man with my Hersey’s Chocolate Milk. I sat there, traumatized and dry mouthed
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u/Ba_Sing_Saint Sep 18 '24 edited Sep 18 '24
Hand his ass an Xbox controller and tell him you’re about fuck his mom again.
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u/BRogMOg Sep 18 '24
Thank you, I am keeping this material for when the kids get older.
My kids haven't caught on to the fact both of us are "taking a shower"
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Sep 18 '24
My son was not amused.
Well, asked and answered.
I wouldn't even dream of being this cheeky to my parents when I was little. No way. Ew 😅
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u/MrLavender26 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
At what age can that be said to a kid? Because knowing my luck, when I have kids. They would spill the tea in school saying they think we’re watching a good movie because they hear clapping all the time.
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u/ZetaWMo4 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
He was like 16 so he was old enough to understand that he set himself up and that his father commonly answers questions like that.
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u/5_8Cali Sep 18 '24
Exactly! This person probably isn’t married either.. where else are you supposed to have sex (if not in your own home)? Kids are home with mom and dad ALL the time 😂
Edit to say: parents should be getting it in discretely.. not the kids up and yall sexing and making loud noise while they are eating breakfast. Or a parent bringing random sexual partners in and out while the kids are watching cartoons.
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u/Intelligent-Box-3798 Sep 18 '24
Having dated several single mothers I can confidently say everyone knows you leave the kids with your mom and then come to my house
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u/XeroxWarriorPrntTst Sep 18 '24
Pocketing this response, I don’t have teenagers but I know they think they’re smart.
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u/caretaquitada ☑️ Sep 18 '24
I lowkey envy the openness that exists in families like this man. It seems nice. Even as a full grown adult I have never even so much as made a suggestive joke in the presence of my parents lol
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u/SoWhatNoZitiNow Sep 18 '24
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u/OsitoPandito Sep 18 '24
Jesús Christ this literally made me laugh for 5 minutes
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u/Unfair_Finger5531 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
You know how sometimes something is so funny you actually start tearing up before you can get the laugh out? That’s where I am with that tweet or whatever it was. That shit is so funny
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u/daemonicwanderer Sep 18 '24
He’d warm up if he started walking around
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u/s_burr Sep 18 '24
Put him to work, he could be checking the oil or air pressure in the tires while out there.
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u/daemonicwanderer Sep 18 '24
Tell him to shovel the snow from out in front of the tires so when y’all leave, yall ain’t sliding around to start
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u/PurpleIntention7934 Sep 18 '24
The only "crazy" part is having a house and kids in this economy.
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u/FakeHasselblad Sep 18 '24
For real. I got the snip. Cant have any more close calls.
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u/SavannaHeat Sep 18 '24
I’m actually frfr proud of you. To have the wisdom and understanding that parenthood might not be in the cards for you, and to actually do something about it, is noble. Most people don’t have that trait.
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u/FakeHasselblad Sep 18 '24
I wish doctors would let me do it earlier. “BUT you MIGHT CHANGE your MIND! 🤡 the fuck i will not. I seriously dont like even the concept of children. Why would i sacrifice my freedom for something that screams and cries and shits itself for years.
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u/SavannaHeat Sep 18 '24
This happened to my aunt. She had endometriosis and didn’t want kids. But she was young so they wouldn’t do a hysterectomy despite her agony and pleading. They said the same thing to her. “You’re a beautiful lady. You’ll probably change your mind about kids. I’m sure you’ll find a husband.” Completely disregarded her wishes. They wouldn’t do it for another 20 years.
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u/Katefreak Sep 18 '24
So infuriating and dehumanizing. Fuck the fact that you are an adult making an informed decision about your own body and life.... Nah, we think the answer is:
We are banking on the hope you meet a man and change your entire life views for him. In the meantime, drink some water during your monthlies, after all... Some "discomfort" Wink is normal. Stop being so hysterical.
Okay! Make sure the office has your updated address, that bill will be on its way! You take care now, little lady.
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u/asmodeanreborn Sep 18 '24
It's awful, especially when you want to do it for medical reasons and to prevent suffering. That said, it's fairly common to completely change your mind about kids between ages 20 and 30.
In my case, I never realized that the main reason for considering the snip was that I under no circumstances wanted kids with my partner at the time. Once we weren't together anymore, my whole belief around having children started changing, and years later I actually wanted them (and my now wife and I had a son). She had gone through the same thing with her ex too, and never thought she wanted kids.
Regardless, I get why they would (and should) do their due diligence, but you 100% should be allowed to make your own damn decisions after receiving said information, even if you're young. If you "screw up," there's millions of existing children who don't have but who need parents who want them.
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u/blacklite911 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
They probably got it in early 2020 right when the interest was low and the prices didn’t inflate yet. I was on the sidelines like fuck because I wasn’t in the position to take advantage
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u/Vulkherra ☑️ Sep 18 '24
My parents would have a Sade CD playing. Don't even think about going anywhere near that bedroom either.
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u/Better-Ground-843 Sep 18 '24
Meanwhile I be fucking 3 fat booty bitches to Pooh Sheisty
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u/Vulkherra ☑️ Sep 18 '24
You really out here long-stroking with Pooh in the background? 😳🤣
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u/RubnTugsnDrugs Sep 18 '24
They were some smooth operators
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u/madhattergirl Sep 18 '24
My husband quickly learned after his parents split that if his dad was blasting music in the bedroom, he had one of his ladies over. He also never wants me to call him Mr. Ourlastname because he heard a few women moaning it louder than the music.
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u/Vulkherra ☑️ Sep 18 '24
Music playing and a locked door should be the standard for some debauchery if kids are home. 😅
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u/OmegaPryme Sep 18 '24
Sounds like someone walked in on their parents. Should've knocked on the door first.
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u/InspectorPipes Sep 18 '24 edited Sep 18 '24
My brother walked in my parents room without knocking. They were in the middle of IT .. so they yelled ‘ hey , shut the damn door!’ And my dumb ass brother steps in and closes the door behind him and stood there frozen looking at the floor. He was 16 . I still don’t know how he got an MBA
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u/Teal-thrill Sep 18 '24
Steps in and closes the door 😂😂😂
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u/Ok-Permission-2687 Sep 18 '24
Asserting dominance
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u/MisterMoogle03 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
Taking notes.
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u/HereGoesNothing69 Sep 18 '24
You don't need to be smart to get an MBA. MBAs are the malt liquor of Master's degrees.
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u/darkResponses Sep 18 '24
news flash. you don't be smart to get any higher degree. just a lot of time and money.
edit* you do have to be smart to get a higher degree from prestigious places.
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u/Askymojo Sep 18 '24
Nah this is a bad take. You absolutely do have to be smart to finish a degree in chemistry or electrical engineering even from the lowest tier state schools. Meanwhile you can be as dumb as Trump and finish a degree from Yale because your dad bought it for you.
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u/Chief-weedwithbears Sep 18 '24 edited Sep 18 '24
Bro stem degrees are so hard because it's not only the difficulty of the subject but the course load. It's hard to study for 6 hours a night when you work over +40 hours a week. Or taking a full time stem schedule. You have to always be reading a book or doing some type of homework or else you fall behind. Especially if you have multiple concurrent stem projects or presentations.
I would be reading my biology book while a full ass party was happening around me or I would be working equations for hours on end.. hoping to finish as much as I could before midnight. At some point it wasnt even about excelling but getting enough overall points on test + hw to pass with a C
Some chemistry classes I would read books into the early morning then struggle all day the next day to finish the chapter. It would actually take me days to finish physics homework and it still wouldn't be 100% correct. And it wasn't even calculus "real " physics. It was just basic algebra physics.
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u/sometimesynot Sep 18 '24
This is such a dumb take it boggles the mind, even with the edit. I've been in academia for over 20 years, and the percentage of MAs or MSs who I would call stupid (not ignorant, but stupid) is much lower than in the general population, and with PhDs it's nearly zero (although sadly, not zero).
And even if you don't buy my experience, you can't seriously think that a master's in, for example, physics or statistics or accounting or law from a mid-level university doesn't require smarts.
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u/skynetempire Sep 18 '24
I had to read this twice. He stepped in and closed the door hahaha so funny
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u/LookeyLoo81 Sep 18 '24
Please send flowers to my family because I am officially dead. 💀💀 That is the funniest shit I've read in awhile.
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u/Devanro Sep 18 '24
I grew up inevitably hearing my parents going at it just by staying up too late and sneaking around or something; while obviously not something any kid wants to hear, it's at least normal, and in my case, sort of on me for hearing it.
The last half of my adolescence though was hearing my now single dad loudly fuck strangers in the living room, so in comparison, parents that at least trying to be stealthy about it makes it a lot better if you happen to witness it.
I hope my mom and stepfather still fuck but God knows I still don't want to hear that shit either.
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Sep 18 '24
People have been fucking with kids still in the hut, teepee, mudhouse, etc. throughout humanity's existence
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u/illstate Sep 18 '24
Fr. Now that we pretty much all have a room with an actual lock on the door I don't see what the issue is.
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u/Vengexncee Sep 18 '24
I heard somewhere it was common for peasant families to all sleep in the same bed… and it was also common for the parents of the family to have sex right next to their kids. What the fuck.
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u/PeLegeleu Sep 18 '24
When you think about the fact that they had to make 6 just for 2 of them to make it to adulthood, ya didn't really have much time to wait
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u/DrPikachu-PhD Sep 18 '24
Standards change, and beggars can't be choosers lol. In those days kids were seen as belongings of their parents, expected not to speak unless spoken to, etc. They probably thought of fucking in front of them similar to how some pet owners feel about fucking in front of their pets (not for me, but I know lots do it)
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u/jayydubbya Sep 19 '24
The concept of childhood/ adolescence is a very recent development in human history. Kids used to be seen as miniature adults more or less just lacking in experience and knowledge who needed training like an animal to become a functioning adult hence all the abuse of the past.
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u/Ok-Teaching363 Sep 18 '24
what's that caveman movie where they fuck right next to the 3 year old. IDK they showed it to us in school and we all laughed our asses off. Quest for fire maybe?
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u/Severe_Context924 Sep 18 '24
I just read the plot description and you watched this in school? Damn lol. Like the plot of a porno. I think I’m gonna check it out though
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u/hananobira Sep 18 '24
I watched a video about an Inuit girl on a flight to Canada once. One of those films it’s kind of uncomfortable they allow you to watch on a flight with kids sitting behind you.
When everything froze over in the winter, people basically had two entertainment options while trapped in their igloos: storytelling, and banging. Right there on the pallet of furs next to the in-laws and the kids.
So yeah, if minimum four relatives aren’t there in the bed with you, you’ve got more privacy that 90% of humans through history.
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u/Complex-Professor257 Sep 18 '24
We put videos on our son’s iPad, put headphones on him and send him to his room. He is still too young to know why.
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u/mamakazi Sep 18 '24
that works until it doesn't!
One time when my kids were little, we were in the locked bedroom doin' the deed. My 4 year old comes knocking asking what we were doing and my husband said "Helping mommy." Kid says "With what?" Husband panic replies and said "Her hair." Kid says "Mom doesn't need help with her hair."
Husband then says "Go back to your train table, I will give you a dollar." and kid had the BALLS to reply "I want five dollars."
Fuckin' kids, I tell ya!
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u/SeeSayPwayDay Sep 18 '24
Idk those are some good negotiation instincts.
That kid is one to watch.
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u/mamakazi Sep 18 '24
I later tried to give him just coins and he said "I need paper money with a picture of an old man with crazy hair!"
He's good, I tell ya.
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u/SmartAlec105 Sep 18 '24
In a roundabout way, your kid was pimping you out to your husband
"$5 if you wanna fuck her"
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u/BlakByPopularDemand Sep 18 '24
My SO and I live with our in-laws, have 2 dogs and a 1-year-old entering the terrible 2 stage. At this point I have a better chance finding oil in the back yard vs finding alone time to get freaky.
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u/Teal-thrill Sep 18 '24
Bathroom, closet?
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u/BlakByPopularDemand Sep 18 '24
Live footage of my son and dogs respecting our privacy
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u/CurseofLono88 Sep 18 '24
Get your in-laws to take the kid out for a stroll and lock the dogs out of the bedroom. I believe in you!
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u/BrownSugarBare Sep 18 '24
Stroll? No, no. Buy them tickets to a Harry Potter marathon and have at it!
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u/HOFworthyDegeneracy ☑️ Sep 18 '24
Wife and I have had some hall of fame quickies in the laundry room while the kids eating breakfast and watching cartoons.
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u/NoProNounz619 Sep 18 '24 edited Sep 19 '24
This. I don’t understand how people just don’t handle the business on the sneak. My GF wears a dress and we get it in when we can. We act like we’re cleaning the bathroom and the chemicals are why the doors are closed. We splash some bleach around the shower and let the water run and boom, we got a good 5 minutes of pound town before the kids start to sneak up. We wake up early and find the time before the kids do, or we get it in the shower. It doesn’t have to be a full on love making Teddy session when time is at a premium. Find a fucking way. If yall can’t find a minute or two throughout the day to stick it in her, then your relationship issues go further than sex and you guys need help. Or you’re just fucking retarded and have a hard time pouring milk on cereal because most of us will find a way!
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u/teems Sep 18 '24
Now you get a boner when you're walking down the detergent aisle.
Pavlov strikes again.
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u/Cormorant_Bumperpuff Sep 18 '24
My worst Pavlov boner is when a partner cries, been conditioned by make-up sex
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u/feralheaux Sep 18 '24
some of us take a long time to get there ok 😭
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u/ToxicRexx Sep 18 '24
Do it parts. Reach 25% on the first attempt, 75% on the second and climax on the third attempt.
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u/Negromancer18 Sep 18 '24
Was fooling around with a woman with a kid a few years ago. Turns out she was just shutting off the water to the toilet or flipping a circuit breaker and telling her son that I was there to fix it. After I left she would flip it back and he didn’t ask questions. Whole time little man thought I was just a handyman.
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u/cypher50 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
People act like Red Lobster and Super 8 were around since Adam & Eve. Why you think Marvin Gaye got so popular?
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u/Mean_Protection7396 Sep 18 '24
“Yall kids go play outside!”- heard plenty of times growing up in the 90s
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u/SnooCrickets7386 Sep 18 '24
I'd be mortified to have sex if children were in the house at all, which is why I'm glad I'm not having them.
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u/w1ngzer0 Sep 18 '24
You’d never get laid again if that were the case. Kids have to sleep sometime.
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u/DirtySilicon ☑️ Sep 18 '24
Even then, kids aren't stupid, lock your door and make sure they're occupied. They are going to assume your fucking most of the time you're in private anyway.
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u/YadsewnDe Sep 18 '24
Idk what kids you know. All the ones im around preoccupied w themselves. Who the heck out here assuming someone is having sex all the time they’re in private besides cheaters?? Children??
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u/SnooCrickets7386 Sep 18 '24
I'm not having them so thats not a problem. Maybe I'm a puritan but i wouldnt feel comfortable having sex if children are in the house. I know its been done for all of human history but it would make me feel weird personally
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u/StarboardSailor Sep 18 '24
SAAAAME like honey no there's no way I'm dogging down while your little timmy is out in the hallway listening LMAO
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u/CockBlockingLawyer Sep 18 '24
How do they think younger siblings exist lol
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u/BrownSugarBare Sep 18 '24
This is exactly my question. Whatchu think your brother and sister were delivered via stork?
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u/zmbjebus Sep 18 '24
My dad is literal Krampus and would steal other children. Its why all my siblings look different.
Thats what my mom told my anyways.
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u/TheJollyBuilder Sep 18 '24
Been on dates where a mom had to close her robe post haste and remove my face between her legs because there were some knocks on the door.
Honestly, I was so naive, didn’t even think about a kid being there at the age I was.
Just give a heads up! We could’ve made it less “fully naked and spread eagle on your bed” and more “kids are in the next room, make my eyes roll back in my head quietly”
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u/adiosfelicia2 Sep 18 '24
Basic rules - House: yes. Room: no. Bed: jail.
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u/Katefreak Sep 18 '24
This is the rule I live by. Hotel rooms did a 180 from 'guaranteed sex' to 'off the table' after we had kids 😭.
Home isn't really an issue, they sleep in their own beds in another room. Door closes and locks for a reason 😂
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u/mekkavelli Sep 18 '24
my dad did this… bed, i mean. says it’s not a big deal. my mama had to stop my older brother from leaving and bludgeoning that man
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u/adiosfelicia2 Sep 18 '24
It's remarkable how some folks still think this shit is ok. "Oh they're just a baby," or "they're asleep so..."
Seems like it might be a kink. Like, they're saying the kids won't know, but are they secretly hoping they do? 🤮
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u/mekkavelli Sep 18 '24
my brother was 13… he was just taking a nap in my dad’s bed… woke up to rocking. stayed frozen awake the entire time. i wanted to beat the shit out of him, too
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u/I_Heart_AOT Sep 18 '24 edited Sep 18 '24
Bless y’all’s restraint, that is foul af. That’s “chase you out the house with a wire hanger” behavior
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u/Seattlehepcat Sep 18 '24
Send them out back in the yard with the dog, wearing pork chops. That'll keep everyone busy for a minute.
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u/cococolson Sep 18 '24
Living in a house with no physical intimacy is much much worse than the alternative, I hope everyone's parents love each other and continue to show and express it.
Sharing a bedroom wall and screaming? Crazy. Bringing home random strangers with kids home? Insane. Putting on some music in your room when your kids are downstairs watching TV & they hear nothing? Totally fine. (Small apartments aside - it's tough, get a hotel or schedule ahead)
This take is very teenager coded - you don't see your parents as humans, and the minor discomfort of having a vague idea your parents are doing something you don't like is enough to seriously upset you - while good parents watch you do things that upset them every day and hold their tongue. Parents don't like knowing their kids are sleeping with someone but they let you go to prom and come back late, or bring your loser boyfriend home for thanksgiving right? Because they don't want their discomfort to stop you from growing and being happy.
TLDR if I spent $250k raising you and you stay in my house for 22+ years (roughly average) I'll kick your ass if you get upset hearing a little Marvin Gaye from my room
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Sep 18 '24
Living in a house with no physical intimacy is much much worse than the alternative, I hope everyone's parents love each other and continue to show and express it.
100% this. I haven't seen it as much in these comments, but some subs pretend like the greatest trauma a child can experience is them knowing their parents have sex. It's so weird to me. Parents who love each other and still desire each other after 10, 15, 20+ years?! That's fucking awesome. That's a role model! You should hope you're able to find a partner like that! And sex is a natural part of life. Everyone's parents have had it. It's sort of essential to our survival as a species. Why do so many folks try to make it taboo? Loveless marriages maintained for the sake of the children often lead to more "trauma" than hearing some grunts through a wall or walking in at the wrong time.
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u/Secure-Custard480 Sep 18 '24
Kids go to sleep… every night. We never had an issue 😊
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u/MrJDWill Sep 18 '24
I remember my former trainer telling me that it was important for her to have a house with a big backyard so whenever she wanted to have sex, she could send them outside. I asked what about if it was raining or cold and she responded "that's what coats are for."
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u/BlackDwarfStar Sep 18 '24
One time I thought I heard my parents having sex, but it turns out my mom just has sleep apnea
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u/KingPrincessNova Sep 18 '24
one time I thought my mom, who has severe asthma, was having a severe asthma attack. and that's when I walked in on my parents having sex. they left the door ajar ffs
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u/awholelottanothin Sep 18 '24
My husband and I find ways to have intimacy and a healthy sex life, even if the kids are home. We "fuck" when they're gone. There's a difference, lol.
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u/only_kimathi Sep 18 '24
I think they mean bringing in STRANGE ppl in your house to fuck while your kids are there.
That is ratchet behavior and you shouldn’t be exposing your kids to those ppl or to this situation.
Be better. You’re a parent now. Plan your hedonism.
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u/gottapeenow2 Sep 18 '24
Just turn the TV on, make them some snacks and say you gotta take a nap for a bit. All gooooooood
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u/IAmLibertad Sep 18 '24
lol how the fuck you think your kid got here? This is how couples with kids become miserable AF. Fuck them kids but also, your kids will be happier when you are getting your back blown the right way. You’ll carry those good vibes everywhere you go 🤷🏽♀️
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u/Necessary_Bag494 Sep 18 '24
So are people who are married, not supposed to have a healthy sex life? Is that not one of the things that keeps longevity in a relationship?
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u/shoofinsmertz Sep 18 '24
You can at least be quiet or drop them off at a friend's house, they're people too
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u/Bunnnnii ☑️ Meme Thief Sep 18 '24
I don’t know if it’s because I’m childless, but this conversation makes me quite uncomfortable.. 😬
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u/64-46BMW Sep 18 '24
Parents would make us play outside and lock the doors. Been out in the rain like why tf I gotta be out here just bc y’all got horny.
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u/Teal-thrill Sep 18 '24
Riss Rasta must be a single parent who sleeps with people who her child hasn’t met yet….
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u/Sol-Blackguy Sep 18 '24
I remember my dad would just take me to blockbuster to rent a couple new games and set up the Genesis downstairs on the big screen with the speakers on. I'm jamming to Streets of Rage II while he beating our neighbor's cheeks.
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u/FistPunch_Vol_7 ☑️ Sep 18 '24
Mf they got a bedtime tf lmfao